


We're Adults I Swear

by Starry_Sky12



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starry_Sky12/pseuds/Starry_Sky12
Summary: Nathalie is tired, Gabriel is always confused, and everyone else in between is trying.
Relationships: Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth & Nathalie Sancoeur, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur
Comments: 31
Kudos: 69





	1. The First Pun to Come

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some pure crack because I thought of that pun and deemed it worthy of a fic title! Oh and I was listening to the ‘annoying pigeon’ meme on repeat while thinking of this so there’s that.
> 
> -Future me-
> 
> HA! No. The old title was 'How Has Someone Not Been Agrested Yet?' I just changed the entire direction of this and I have no shame!

Gabriel’s phone begins to ring loudly in his pocket. He was fumbling with it while his assistant already felt the oncoming headache.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, what do I do?!” Gabriel asked even though he knows the obvious answer... probably.

“We’ve been over this multiple times, sir.” Nathalie stressed with her normal tone. It’s been years and Gabriel still can’t answer the phone, anxiety mixed with introverted tendencies is a bitch.

“Heeeelp.” Gabriel screamed in a whisper looking like he was about to cry a genuine tear. Wow, Gabriel has other emotions besides ‘Emilie’ and ‘brood’ who knew? Nathalie, Nathalie knew most if not all of the emotions of her barely functioning boss. This is one of his more problematic ones. She called it “Recluse vs Human Interaction” mode. He does this every time a phone rings, every damn time.

“Pick up the phone, answer it, and don’t yell when you say hello.” Nathalie said with practiced calmness, both of them panicking is going to solve nothing. Having every situation under control was over half her job at his point.

“HEY GABE MY GUY!” Jagged suddenly yelled as loud chaos was going down in the background. Was that a crocodile wrestling Penny? That certainly sounded like a crocodile wrestling Penny.

“What do I dooooooo???” Gabriel whisper yelled to Nathalie while looking extremely distressed. All server introverts everywhere can feel his pain. Gabriel is most definitely letting out a long string of internal curses right now.

“Say something normal and find out what he needs.” Nathalie said in a hushed tone with a tired look.

“If you worked for me you’d be fired.” Gabriel spat out automatically. Obviously trying to play it safe.

“Damn it, Gabriel no.” Nathalie whispered while regretted her earlier choice of works. When she said ‘say something normal’ she meant to say something a functioning human would say. Of course, Gabriel misunderstood her. Telling someone they’re fired was pretty normal for Gabriel Agreste so she let it go.

“If I worked for you I’d fire myself Gabe!” Jagged said in a happy voice obviously ignoring his assistant’s battle cry.

“That’s not how that works Johnathan.” Gabriel said annoyed with the man’s stupidity. Ironic isn’t it?

“It is now!” Jagged shouted entirely convinced he can rewrite the accepted laws of the entire job force, seem familiar? *cough* Gabriel *cough*

“... Nathalie help I don’t know what to do.” Gabriel whispered while looking like he was going to pass out.

“Do you ever know what to do?” Nathalie said in a flat voice and a deadpan expression.

“Just help me!” Gabriel pleaded hoping for Nathalie to save him once again. Let’s add this to the ever growing list of ‘Times Nathalie save someone in the Agreste household’ because Nathalie stopped writing them down a long time ago. Such a good assistant.

“Of course sir but don’t make me do anything illegal I don’t what to get Agrested. Not for something that wasn’t worth it that is.” Nathalie said in a serious tone, far too serious for what she just said in Gabriel’s opinion.

“What do you- was that a pun?” Gabriel said getting distracted from the whole point of that statement. Apparently Gabriel has the mental capacity of a goldfish.

“Hmm? I don’t know what you mean sir. Just give me the phone, well practice later.” Nathalie said in a rushed tone followed by a light sigh at the end. Why does she do this? This isn’t in her job description, is it? Helping her introverted and socially awkward boss definitely wasn’t her job but does she care at this point? No, no she doesn’t.

“Thank you, my Nathalie.” Gabriel said while looking incredibly relieved and bearing a small smile. 

“I know this must be annoying sometimes.” Gabriel said now looking slightly sad.

Suddenly Nathalie had to hold herself back from clutching her chest and keeping tear specks from forming. “Not at all sir” Nathalie said in a small whisper while smiling “That’s why I’m here, to help you and your family.”

As Gabriel was about to say something back Jagged renounced himself reminding the two he was still there. “HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Jagged shouted.

“Ah yes that, please give me the phone sir.” Nathalie said while taking the phone from Gabriel and proceeded to work her magic.

“What would we do without you? What would I do without you?” Gabriel said to himself not even wanting to imagine a world without one of his oldest friends by his side.


	2. Give the Woman Her Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathalie needs her coffee desperately. If Gabriel wishes to live he WILL give it to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I change the entire direction of this fic? Yes  
> Do I know what that direction is? No  
> Am I just going to do whatever with this? Most Definitely

It was just another normal day in the Agreste household.

“Nathalie give me the coffee!” Gabriel shouted. The outburst was followed by a couple of low hisses.

Yes, a perfectly normal day.

“Sir, I’m not giving you my coffee. It’s the only way I can triple as Adrien’s parent, your assistant, AND your supervillain partner.” Nathalie said. “I would fall out and go into an unintentional sleep.”

“Nathalie that’s passing out from exhaustion, that’s not healthy.” Gabriel said with a tired look.

“I’m aware.” Nathalie said while slowly bringing her coffee closer to her.

“Can you at least only drink 3 cups today?” Gabriel asked. He saw the look of cold-blooded murder in Nathalie’s eyes and accepted he wasn’t going to win this argument.

“I will not make promises I can’t keep. You do enough of that for both of us.” Nathalie said. She took her normal bored expression and starred him dead in the eyes.

“Like why would you do that?” Gabriel said offended. He dragged his hands and placed them over his heart looking like he was hurt.

“You know why.” Nathalie said. “Penny when you promised me time off, Jagged when you said you’d hang out with him, me when you said you were going to sleep before 12 am, and Adrien multiple times this month.”

“Ok valid but…” Gabriel said in an attempt to explain himself.

“Keeping basic promises is something any function person should be able to do.” Nathalie said tiredly. She then took a long sip of her coffee to punctuate her point.

“Ok firstly bold of you to assume I’m a functioning person, secondly you’re not much better yourself Nathalie.” Gabriel said. He was shocked Nathalie could just come for him like that. She looked at him with a quirked brow in return.

“Meaning?” Nathalie said. She knows she’s practically falling apart but the only other person who should know is Penny.

“Tell me, Nathalie, what do you do if a snake is about to crawl up your arse?” Gabriel questioned. He didn’t even seem to question his words as they left his mouth.

“You climb up its ass first to assert dominance.” Nathalie said. The fact that she said it quickly wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that she sounded completely certain of it. “Who do you ask?”

“Because no one should respond to a question like that quickly and have an answer! You weren’t even phased!” Gabriel said. Nathalie may have been better at socializing when she needs to be but what was going on in her head was a mystery.

“Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel, I thought you understood this but clearly you need a refresher.” Nathalie said. She placed her hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye. “My brain is a bunch of half-written thoughts that form into good ideas and form a somewhat stable mental state. I know what I’m doing, you may not know, but I know. That’s all you need to understand.”

“...But how?” Gabriel said in the last attempt to make some sense out of the situation.

“I just keep drinking coffee and hoping everything is going to be ok. I don’t know how much longer I can do it.” Nathalie said with a strained smile. She pulled away and poured some more coffee into her mug with a little added salt. She walked out of the kitchen towards their office with a low scream coming from her throat.

“...How did I get here?” Gabriel said starring at the closed door with suspicious eyes. He walked over to the sink and decided it was best for him to make a cup of tea and forget everything. “If I don’t acknowledge my problems they can’t hurt. me”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK but like Max is the only sane one in the show. Comments are appreciated, Starry out!


	3. Gabriel Will Never Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel does not know the concept of "learning from your mistakes" so he does something stupid. Nathalie is not freaking having it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thought of Nathalie having a harmless weapon amuses me. Have fun lads!

Later in the day, like most days, Gabriel prepared him and Nathalie some tea. When this began it was an attempt to fight her caffeine addiction but now it’s become a routine. Almost every afternoon or whenever their schedules allow he makes her some of his tea. After obtaining the butterfly miraculous he’d developed a fondness for it as a result of making it for Nooroo every day.

Gabriel could never really get into coffee, far too bitter for him. Nathalie, on the other hand, was addicted to the stuff. She would never accept his help so making her drink this was the least he could do. If Nathalie goes down because of a caffeine overdose the company is going with her.

‘Can’t let my one and only executive assistant have a stroke now can I?’

After that thought, he poured two cups of classic green tea from the steaming kettle. One for him with honey and one for Nathalie sugar and lemon. Despite her favoring bitter coffee, she did have an appreciation for sugar.

Placing the condiments, tea, and kettle on a tray he began to walk towards their office.

…

‘Of course she is.’

Gabriel opened the door to a sight he knew he was never going to get rid of. Nathalie drinking what’s probably her fifth cup of coffee today crouched over her desk staring aggressively on her computer.

“Nathalie I have our tea.” Gabriel announced. His entrance didn't seem to bother her and he didn't want to scare her. Being 7+ feet tall really does give a person a scary shadow.

“Mhm,” Nathalie muttered. That was as good as a response he was going to receive when Nathalie was especially absorbed by her work. “put it right there.” She gestured towards a stop on her desk.

“After we have our tea we can order some lunch, I don’t want you skipping it again. I know you don't eat dinner when you work late.” Gabriel said. He was being a massive hypocrite, he spends all morning brooding instead of eating breakfast. This was something they both knew so it was pointless for Nathalie to call him out on it.

After a few moments, Nathalie finished staring at her computer and picked up her tea mug. She took a sip and let out a soft sigh. While Gabriel wasn’t very good at many basic things he did know how to make exceptional tea.

Gabriel was staring at his assistant as he took in the sight. He was glad that he could do something simple like this for her. If only he could get her to stop drinking so much coffee. Gabriel’s eyes made contact with the coffee cup and he glared at it. Nathalie seemingly distracted was not taking notice of his staring contest with the inanimate object.

‘What if I just…’

Gabriel made a grab for the cup, the plan was seemingly flawless for the first few moments. That is until something unexpected made contact with his hand. A cold liquid preceded by an ‘ack’ sound immediately after he reached for it. He pulled back his freakishly long arms in shock. Then another attack from an unidentified source made contact with his face.

“Back up.” Nathalie whispered. Her voice was harsh with eyes filled with murder. She was holding a spray bottle in her right hand, ready to attack again.

‘Did she just-?’

“Yes, yes I did spray you with a spray bottle and I will do it again.” Nathalie confirmed. She saw the question in his eyes and decided to answer him.

Gabriel was in utter shock. How could she? How dare she? His suit jacket was made of the most expensive material available, and she sprayed it with mere tap water. And his face, oh his beautiful face. His special ordered spectacles ruined, truly soaked, and from the attack of a dollar store spray bottle.

“Nathalie! I could have you fired for such behavior!” Gabriel yelled.

“Sure Jan.” Nathalie said. She looked at him with tired eyes but a smirk on her face. It was true that he couldn’t survive without her but she didn't know that, or that’s what Gabriel used to think.

‘...she knows... she knOoOoOws’

“Who is this Jan?” Gabriel said. He’s heard Nathalie say a few names accompany but strange quotes before but gave up questioning it. This time he was too confused to let it go, he was no woman named Jan.

“Uncultured swine.” Nathalie said. Her spray bottle seemed to have disappeared as she grabbed her coffee and tea. She swiveled around in her rolly chair to her computer and began reviewing documents again. Leaving a puzzled Gabriel behind her to just stare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is a grouchy old man and Nathalie is a meme lord! I've decided to have Nathalie keep a spray bottle with her at all times. Not a knife, not pepper spray, just a water spray bottle and a beautiful stone-cold glare.


	4. Gabriel Has Done A Oof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathalie is just trying to enjoy her night but like usual Gabrial pulls an "I have arrived to fuck everything up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy April Fools guys! Gabriel is one of the biggest jokes around so he makes an entrance >:3.

There Nathalie was sitting on her couch enjoying a glass of wine. A rainy dreary night was exactly what she needed to wind down from the week's stress. It was going to be a nice quiet evening, at least that’s what Nathalie thought.

Her phone began to ring interrupting the silence of the room. Just looking at the caller ID was enough to develop a headache for the poor woman.

‘Trash Butterfly Man(GA).’

Against her better judgment, she answered the phone because things would get far worse if she didn’t answer.

”Hi Nathalie I'm lonely. Talk to me.” Gabriel’s voice sounded calm and smooth but somewhat distant. That was until she heard a low curse under his breath along with some commotion from the other side of the phone.

”...Gabriel, what are you doing?” Nathalie asked as she narrowed her eyes. She knew she couldn't see it but it was a reflex at this point. 

”Plotting tomorrow's evil rant, the usual.” 

Now that Nathalie thought about it the rain sounded unusually loud to be from inside a building.

”Are you on the roof again?” She sighed and began to pinch her forehead between two fingers. It was a sad attempt to soothe the new pounding in her head. Gabriel could really be a handful at times, it was a miracle he hadn't got himself killed yet.

”No… even if I was I don't see anything wrong with it.” That was as much of a ‘Yes’ she needed. The hesitance and offense in his voice were a dead give away for a lie.

”It's late and I'm not calling an ambulance if you break your neck.” Nathalie threatened. She knew it wasn’t true but she needed something to frighten him with or else he could ever come down.

”Your point Nathalie? I can call myself if it comes to it, I am indeed capable of some things. What even makes you think I'm going to fall in the first place?”

”Gabriel, It’s 11 pm.”

”Ok? Is it special ‘falling off of housing hours’ or something?”

”You’re sitting on top of a mansion.”

”...”

”It is RAINING.”

”K bye.”

”Gabriel Agres-!”

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Was the last thing Nathalie heard, along with unnumbered uses of profanity, before the sure death of a well-managed bush.

“Sir are you still alive?” Nathalie asked. She was slightly worried but with the about of times Gabriel has barely evaded death she wasn’t too concerned. Working in the harsh environment she did along with a socially unaware boss cause the fear of death to disappear quickly.

“I lived!” Gabriel shouted, appearing to be very proud of himself. There was a ruffling of twigs in the background. How his phone wasn’t completely smashed to smithereens was a mystery. “This painful bush broke my fall!”

“Do you need me to come to get you?” Nathalie was more suspicious now, something was off. He sounded… happy.

“I think I have a concussion! Ha is that blood?” Gabriel laughed, sounding amused. It was either shock or this man was just insane, she couldn’t decide.

“I’m coming to get y-.” Nathalie sighed. She was about to hang up the phone before being interrupted.

“No need, the pain is now slowly dispersing through my body!” His tone was light and blissful. “Oh, how pretty all this whiteness is. I wish you could see it too Nathalie.”

It was both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've all established Gabriel is a massive oof, correct?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated, Starry Out!


End file.
